Friday, February 18, 2011

Ten Commandments of Toddlerhood

1.  Thou shalt climb on every surface that is more than six inches about ground. Thou mustn't learn how to descend from said surface but rather stand atop it paralyzed and crying until you are rescued.

2.  Thou shalt pull and pull and pull on every locked cabinet until "child-proof" mechanism is either disengaged or broken to bits.

3. Thou shalt express distaste for any healthy snack that is served to you by upending serving vessel and scattering its contents far and wide.

4. Thou shalt then cry until you get a cookie.

5.  Thou shalt remove all DVDs from the cases, and disperse around the room, taking special care to leave where they will be stepped on and shattered.

6.  Thou shalt refuse napping at all costs. Except for in the car.  In this case, thou shalt wait until you are almost at your destination before falling into deep slumber.

7. Thy clothing is merely a distraction. Thou shalt attempt to remove all articles as fast as possible, especially right before it is time to leave the house for any purpose.

8.  When outside of the domicile, thou shalt investigate any and all objects in your path by crushing them with your foot.  This is particularly applicable to dog excrement which thine tacky neighbors leave behind.

9.  Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's toys. Thou shalt just grab them away from neighbor and pretend they belong to you.

10. Once this is all done, thou shalt eat lunch.


  1. 11 Unless that lunch is health, in which case back to #3.

  2. #6 is the one I can relate to the most. The worst part is of course as soon as the car stops, the child wakes up and refuses to nap again for the rest of the day because those 5 minutes were enough!

  3. Stopping by from Tuesday blog trail. This is a hilarious post. Oh the joys of toddlers, I so can relate.


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